Last updated 11:36, Saturday, 05 April 2008

THIS week I have been up in the loft, having a sort out.

Now, our loft isn’t the sort that you have to enter with a ladder so that you have to make a conscious decision before you put unused things up there. It is accessed via a small door in the wall of a bedroom, so it’s too easy just to open it up and chuck stuff in - and that’s what we’ve been doing for nearly 30 years.

Going in there was like entering the land that time forgot.

There was all sorts of stuff we had kept in case it Came In For Something . . . but it never did, and serve us right for having to clear out ancient carpet remnants and bits of curtain track.

I was hoping that we might find some forgotten heirloom up there - there are always folk on the Antiques Roadshow who have found a diamond brooch or a missing Old Master up in their loft - but there weren’t any in ours.

I did have a moment of hope when I stood on something sharp, but it turned out to be a plastic dinosaur, circa 1980, rather than a missing piece of Ming.

In fact, there were a lot of plastic dinosaurs, plus some imitation molten lava and a miniature plastic volcano, forgotten survivors of a long-discarded board game; a box of football magazines dating back to 1994 (plus free Kenny Dalgleish video) and a companion set featuring tasteful brass wire haired fox terriers.

All this stuff has been slumbering among the thermal insulation for years without ever Coming In for anything, so it all had to Go Out.

So if you have a desperate need for plastic molten lava, or for some dinosaurs, don’t ask me. I am now the proud possessor of an empty loft - and it’s staying that way.